His Mercy

Maybe There is Just One Picture

Sometimes I find myself wrestling in my heart over the things that God is asking of me. This is because I long to live life for the big picture. In light of eternity, I just want to go out into the world and give of myself to others. I want to take my focus off of myself and all of the things that are going on inside of my heart, and simply focus on meeting the needs of others. In my mind, this makes sense. I just want to live a big picture life. The reality, however, is that God is not just a big picture God. He cares equally about all of the details. He cares about the wounded, broken places in our hearts. He cares about the tiny little areas in our lives that have remained in darkness, protected by the lies of the enemy. He cares about our marriage and all the small parts that just aren't working like they should. He cares about our pride, our self-protection, our shame, the false beliefs we have about ourselves and our hurt. He cares about all of the pain that, over time, we have stuffed deep down inside of ourselves in hopes of forgetting that it ever existed.
And because this is true about Him, I find that He will not let me be content to live only a big picture life. You see, I would love to just focus on getting to North Carolina so that we can start living out our calling. I would love it if there were no roadblocks or delays and we could just be there already. But in this season, where the future feels so far off and the present looks like wave after wave of hardship, I am beginning to realize some important truths. God's calling for my life isn't just about how I can be used to bring others to Christ. It is not just about how much of an impact I can make on the world. It is also about how much of an impact I allow the Lord to make in my own life; how much of an impact I allow Him to make on the tiny little details of how I choose to live. He can use anybody to go out and make a difference in the world, but He needs me, and my willingness to offer Him all of the broken places in my being, in order for Him to make a difference in my heart. And because of this, He has been taking me through a season where the waves are so big and so constant that I cannot catch my breath. He has been robbing me of the small amount of strength that I have always been able to muster up, so that I would finally be willing to admit that I have no strength apart from Him. He has been exposing the ugliness of my brokenness, so that I would be finally willing to offer that brokenness to Him.
In all of this contemplation, I am beginning to believe that maybe there is no big picture or small picture to God. Maybe there is just one picture, and every single detail matters.