Pain

The Tricky Thing About Pain

The following is something I was writing before surgery and now feels even more relevant, as I struggle to imagine getting through each moment:

Pain is a funny sort of thing. It can't be defeated with all my usual God-given devices. Truth, as beautiful as it is, cannot touch the fury of pain. Trusting God, as peace-giving as it is, does not make pain less painful. The Word, as fulfilling it is, does not even seem to numb the pain. And no prayer, as vital as it is, can rescue me from a trial of pain that God has chosen to walk me through. And when no amount of truth or trust or scripture or prayer can defeat the incessant battle with pain, then I am simply left with pain. So, though my heart is full of God's beautiful truth, I still have pain. Though I am covered in God's peace because I trust Him, pain is always with me. And though I have His Word to fulfill me and prayer to sustain me, pain is my constant companion. It is always there to remind me of what is wrong with me, and remind me that I am not okay. It is what dictates how my day will look, and tell me what I can and cannot do. Pain is a constant and irritating noise that no amount of goodness or pleasure can seem to cancel out. It is just always there, lingering in the background of everything I do, reminding me that I cannot fully enjoy anything when I am in it's presence.